The Ultimate Gift - Rejected

Have you ever been displeased with a gift you received? The magnificent gold foil wrapping paper was emphasized by an enormous bow. The wrappings masked the promising gift. However, once you unwrapped it; well, the gift did not meet your excited expectations. The jewelry, perfume, fur coat, or set of china - whether expensive or a cheap knock off – when it was unwrapped, well, the present was simply, a disappointment. Have you experienced this?

Sometimes life offers a paradoxical event of pleasure and pain. Recently, for me, it began with my husband’s decision to build our new home. We had agreed on the lot, a 1.06 acre lot which was bordered on the one side by the subdivision’s nature and boating park.  Because of the scenery, the home’s potential, and the amazingly affordable price, we decided to purchase the lot that day.  My husband, along with a prospective builder, was admiring the lot’s potential. Once he and the builder began discussing the home’s design, and the images they both portrayed, I was captivated. This had to be a providentially ordained purchase, surely it was from God.

Over the next three years, my husband designed our home, and he also became the primary contract builder.  We both were stressed making decisions regarding the basic layout design and acquiring the materials for the home.  Added to developing the house plans were the challenges of hiring sub-contractors, abiding by the county’s inspections and regulations, as well as our new community’s HOA regulations. For me, this undertaking seemed formidable.   My husband and I both held full time jobs during the house build. Stress continued to plague us as we navigated through the murky red tape of the county and the HOA, and the management of the sub-contractors, and building supply deliveries.  

Upon the home’s completion, of course family and friends came to visit us. I enjoyed their fellowship, but thought constantly of the length of time it had taken to build the house. For three years every vacation day, every waking weekend was given over to the building of our home. In addition, there were more personal sacrifices than just our personal time together.  In order to subsidize the increasing expense to build our home, I deleted a large portion of my retirement and all of a savings account I had spent years accumulating.  I grew to resent the increasing toll of our beautiful home. 
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Throughout the three years as we were developing the plans, building the structure, and then moving into our new home, my husband would tell people, “I am building my queen her castle.” Friends and family understood how sincere my husband was when he made this statement. He meant every word – every word. One only need to see him look at me to know how much he adored me.  But for me, I resented the extravagance and expense of our home. When we had first met and decided to marry, we could not afford a wedding and were married in Las Vegas.  So, we began our marriage in an apartment with my mother’s discarded furniture and other people’s second hand donations. Our car with over 200,000 miles on the odometer was his parent’s contribution to our marriage. We had nothing materially, but everything we needed and desired – each other.  I was blissfully happy.

As I write this blog, due to recent family situations, we have listed my husband’s gift to me with a local realtor. It was during the initial listing and staging of the house, that a realization swept over me.  My home is gorgeous. It was designed with me in mind: from the open kitchen/living room concept with fireplace and coffered ceiling to the expansive master bedroom and en-suite with 14 foot his and her closets. Every detail, every upgrade, every thought was placed in gifting me a home.  Where did I miss the mark?  How could I argue with him that I did not want this home? Where was my love in accepting his gift? I felt ashamed. I wanted to avoid my reality of three long bitter years…. What could I do to make up for this ungratefulness? There was only one thing I could do….

I repented and asked my husband to forgive me.  He is so loving that he immediately held me in his arms and said he was sorry for any unhappiness I had experienced.  He said he forgave me, and reassured me through all three years, I was precious to him.  But you see, I knew when I had rejected the incredible design and details he had built just for me, and his request for special moments enjoying our home, I had chosen to reject his love. I wanted to justify my behavior; but honestly, it was selfishness and selfish desires that were at the root of my unhappiness.  And that caused me to remember that in a way that is just how I had rejected Jesus. He offered me the greatest gift – His ultimate gift – and I had rejected it, too, for a while. Until I repented of my selfish desires of not accepting the gift He offered me, and until I asked for His forgiveness; I would miss out on receiving His ultimate gift.  Have you ever experienced this?